Month: June 2020

My Weight Loss Journey

This is my weight loss journey. My weights at various times along with what i’ve been doing and how its affecting me.

Starting weight: 20 stone 4 lbs
(August 2019)

Current weight: 16 stone 8 lbs
(13th September 2020)

Argh! its gone up. Still I have eaten like a pig the past few weeks

Target weight: 15 stone
(October 2020)

I have been over 19 stone for over 20 years and because of my mental state I have comfort eaten a lot in the past. I’ve drunk lots as well! Neither are great!

Because I am much more happier since I came out, I now look after myself so much better these days. I want to lose weight, not just for my health but also for my mental stability.

In September last year I sat myself down and battled a few internal demons to get to where I am today. I haven’t been on some wonder diet, Keto (no), Aitkins (no), Grapefruit (blurgh!) or others.

What I have done is more mental than physical and now I only eat when hungry and this somedays might be 4 times a day. Other days it might just be once.

I’ve also learnt portion control.

Fuck, in the past I have sat and eaten massive amounts of food in one sitting and some days I would eat the largest thing the eatery I was visiting served and still have room for pudding!

Its not been plain sailing and on a few occassions I have gone to places i’ve eaten in the past and ordered their massive breakfast but then stuggled to eat even half of it as my stomach just cant take the volume it once used to devour! I once went to MuckDonalds and ate 8 quarter pounds! 8, these days I stuggle to eat one as I honeslty think the box they come in has more taste.

Portion control has been my main weapon as i’ve not avoided specific foods while i’ve been on this quest. I hesitate to call it a diet as its just so not. If I want ice cream I have it, just dont eat a full tub 😀

I’ll post up pictures soon as I want to get to my target weight before I start posting pictures up.

So far I’ve gone from a size 24 to a size 18!

I’ve also found out from the Doctors that at my last annual checkout in March 2019 I was 21 stone 6 lbs!!!!!!!

 

Manchesters Gay Village awakens

Manchester’s Gay Village is getting ready to re-open on the 4th July 2020. I for one will be there when it re-opens.

See the places doing work to get themselves ready for the 4th July.

Pit of despair

I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I hate it! I hate the way that my brain is making me feel things. Events in my life. Events in the past.

I just want the pain to stop. Not go away I actually want it to stop!

People tell me I’m not a bad person and that’s their opinion, it’s not mine. I’ve tried to be good. I’ve tried to care about all the people in my life and I tried to listen to other people, some might say unsuccessfully or that maybe I don’t listen hard enough but I also seem to be a dumping ground for other people’s problems and because I’m trying to be nice I don’t say “shut the fuck up” and then not only do I have my own problems but I also feel like I’m saddled with the people’s problems. This then ends up with me feeling like I do at the moment filled with pain and heartache and worry.

At the moment and I just feel like shit. I’m sure there are some people who are reading this who are probably thinking good because you deserve it but no, no, I don’t.

This moment I constantly feel like a mobile phone which needs to be recharged every 5-minutes and I’m trying to do the right thing by my family and friends. I’m trying to listen to their problems but it’s affecting me mentally and I really can’t cope with some of the shit that is going on in my life at the moment. Can’t cope, don’t want to cope!

I’ve got relatives who are still grieving my father and their way of doing this to just ring me up and then talk at me for 4 hours. They don’t care that I’ve got my own grief to deal with. Something  which I’m really struggling with because I have nobody to talk to about it. Plus I really don’t want to talk to somebody about it because I feel like I’m burdening them with my problems.

I’ve also lost my best friend in the past 12 months and 2 other close friends very recently. I’m not good at coping with the grief I’ve experienced recently. Because I haven’t dealt with it, boom. Pit of despair!

I’ve got friends who are struggling in their lives whether it be because of Coronavirus or because their relationships have been strained over the past couple of months or just because they’re lonely and I’ve listened and listened to them, to help them. Funny how some people don’t listen when you want to talk though!

But at the moment I feel completely overwhelmed by the situation at hand and I really struggling to cope with it I really just want to lock myself away from anything and everybody just shut myself in a box, not communicate, not talk, not answer any phone calls and just cry myself into oblivion.

Joe Browns Mary Jane Something Blue Bridal Shoes

Joe Browns Mary Jane Something Blue Bridal Shoes

These Mary Jane Court Shoes from Joe Browns will go with every single outfit. They also make the perfect wedding shoes. The scalloped edging adds the something blue to finish off your outfit.

I love the colour of these in white with the sky blue heels and the patterned sky blue polka dot insides. These shoes are devine.

If anyone wants to buy these for me I’m a Euro size 43, UK 9. Unfortunately 9’s are no longer available 🙁

I love to shop for shoes. I completely understand why other women and men love shopping for shoes. I love to find different styles and sometime I fall in love which what I find straight away and have to have them. Sadly my financial situation is not compatible with the list of things i’d like to buy so here a list of beautiful shoes I’d like to buy and here they will stay until I can afford them or perhaps someone takes pity on me and buys them for me.

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