Month: August 2020

Mums ill!

Yesterday’s phone call from mum was a heart wrenched and has killed me a little inside!

This year hasn’t been kind to my family withy father’s death and struggling to get over this with lockdown because of coronavirus. It’s meant we haven’t been able to be together as much and we:be both struggled to get over dad’s death. Not that you ever get over the death of a loved one!

But yesterday my mum has found out she needs another major operation as she has complications because of cancer.

I received a phone call from mum where she was crying her eyes out, understandably because of the news.

I’d already had a few glasses of wine because I’d had a very stressful week with work, so I couldnt go see her. Plus her town is under lockdown again so I’d also be breaking the law. Visiting from outside the area is “not allowed”.

An hour later we end the call and I’m left feeling like shit because I can’t go and comfort mum!

So, today I went to see her as her mental health is so important.

I know I should be supportive but at the moment she is very negative about everything and it’s been a major effort to be there.

It must be serious as the surgeons have told her she needs this operation in the next few weeks.

I am honestly exhausted after the visit and for the first time in many months I’ve found myself comfort eating this evening!

I know mum is unwell because she has lost over a stone in weight but more concerned about her mental health.  I know she has been ill and shit this year has got to her but she is so negative at present and although she has her sister nearby, she is just as negative!

Nothing I say can appease her at present!

I need a drink and also need to get my thoughts out of my head.

I so wanted to go out tonight and get utterly wasted!

I’ll phone her tommorow but for tonight i need vent and forget about it all.

Tommorow is another day!

Transgender vs Transexual vs Transvestite

Transgender vs Transexual vs Transvestite

I’ve been asked what the difference between these are many times now, so heres a quick definition of each, Transgender vs Transexual vs Transvestite.


Transgender is a gender identity or expression that differs from the sex given at birth but have no desire to transition to the gender they identify as.


Transsexual people have a gender identity that differs from the gender assigned at birth and desire to permanently transition to the sex or gender to which they identify. This usually requires medical intervention (such as sex reassignment therapies. From hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and gender reassignment surgery (GRS)). Depending on which direction the person wishes to transition depends on the type of surgery required.


People, typically men, who get pleasure from dressing in clothes primarily associated with the opposite sex.


A person of either sex who wears the clothing of the opposite sex. This is not considered sexual but is different to transexualism because the cross dresser enjoys the clothing and does not identify or desire to change sex.

“I wear those clothes because I like how they look”

Sunday morning, off to church

A little poem about church.

Wakey wakey,
It’s Sunday morn,
Church bells ring,
Service a calling.

Rushing now,
I’m gonna late,
Bells still ring,
Passing the gates.

Enter church,
Dothing my hat,
Sit thee down,
A happy lass.

Sermon starting,
Priest speaks aloud,
Words of God,
Congregation listen, nod.

Singing aloud,
Godly, pleasant songs,
All standing up,
Everyone sings along.

Hymm’s end,
Sit thee down,
Vicor addresses flock,
God’s greatest hits.

Biblical stories,
Matthew, Luke, John,
Tales of history,
Possible fictional tales.

Today’s special,
A metaphorical tale,
Jonah the man,
Inside a whale.

Jonah disobedient,
Eaten by a whale,
Lived for 3 days
Alive to tell the tale.

Sermon aclosing,
Collection plate passed,
Fumble in pockets,
A pennance passed.

Church bells,
Ring once more,
Over the town,
Peel out loud.

Vicor stands,
Outside the door,
Thanking his flock,
Wage-slaves once more.

Leeds night out, 7th August 2020

Woke up this morning and my first thought was, no anxiety for me today. Plus today I’m off for a Leeds night out and get to see my amazing friend, Wendy.

Bags are already packed so, throw everything in the car and off to the train station.

The plan was to stop at Manchester and have lunch in the village but alas because the train service in this country is absolute wank, I ended up getting straight onto my connecting train to Leeds! No time for anything in Manchester. Late trains should not be happening in 21st century England. Unfortunately, the train system is stuck in the 19th century!

Now, having said that, I do love travelling by train as it gives me time to download my thoughts and write articles like this but the trains are weird things these days with social distancing and the like. Over half the seats have little red tickets on them “don’t sit here” and the ones you can sit at have little green tickets on them, “sit here’.

I sit and look out the window and watch the world go buy while listening to a bit of Goa trance. Wish I had a joint to smoke while I watch the scenery rush by.

I arrive in Leeds about 3pm and Google maps directs me to the Cosmopolitan hotel but I’ve got it set in car mode and end up walking about half a mile than the estimsted 0.2 of a mile!

I check in to the hotel and quickly quick step to McDonald’s for a bite to eat as I missed lunch thanks to the train system being wank!

Food troughed back at the hotel.

Time to do my roots (hair), they’re getting a bit brown. I had booked into the hairdresser’s but despite making a booking 2 weeks before, they called me on the day of my appointment to tell me they needed to do a patch test and I couldn’t have any work done until 48 hours afterward, impossible as I’m on holiday then, ya knobbers!

Okay, you had two weeks to tell me this so, very very unprofessional of you Wilson’s in Macclesfield. You’ve lost a customer!

So, I’m sat in my hotel room with a £5 hair bleaching kit and doing my roots with a glass of wine.

Kit used and hair all tied up, time to shave….. Everything. Dysphoria treatment time. I hate my body hair with a passion.

I absolutely hate being hairy and it’s one of my biggest body image issues! So thirty minutes of shaving and all is smooth and the hair dye is ready to be washed out.

Time to get ready now as Wendy texts to say, “meet up in reception at 8pm”.

I’m ready long before so, go for a walk round to the off license to get some cigs.

Walking past a bar on Assembly street and my first compliment of the evening comes off two ladies stood outside the bar. “Ay up my love. You look fantastic in that dress and I love your shoes” I chat for a few minutes and the walk back round to the Viaduct where I end up stood chatting for about an hour before I go meet Wendy. Those who know me well know I’ll chat to anyone these days and the girls sat outside viaduct shouted “hello gorgeous” and offered to buy me a drink.

Who am I to refuse?

Back to the hotel and meet up with Wendy. “You eaten?”
“Well I had a McDonald’s earlier. Does that count as eating?”

So off we proceed to find food!

Not much choice for a quick bite to eat and we end up getting a sandwich from Sainsbury’s. This lack of food was probably where my alcohol problems started as I hadn’t had much to eat that day and I got drunk very quickly that night. Howeve, it also could have been the Pina Coladas in Tiki Hideout 🤪

First place we go for a drink is a bar down a little back street behind the Viaduct. No idea what it’s called but it’s full of middle aged men drinking pints.

I took great pride in photo bombing a couples selfies something they only noticed when one partner showed his photos to his partner. At least he had a sense of humour about it and I ended up having my photo taken with them later on in Viaduct.

We were going to go in Viaduct at this point but the queue was moohasive!

Across the road to Queens court and, yeah, Hmmm.

We stood outside while the door person said “it’s booking only but we’ll see if we can fit you in”. Great sounds like their busy? No, empty as a eunachs ball sack inside.

One drink “let’s go somewhere else?” says Wendy. So back across the road to the Viaduct which now has a slightly smaller but still huge queue.

Great chats in the queue with folk. Bit of Dunkirk spirit going on, a bit of banter and the third compliment of the night from two ladies stood behind us. They looked ace as well <3 So we enter Viaduct and do the track and trace dance with the doormen. Wow! What a great bar and I want to go back here when social distancing had gone away. Very very friendly place this, the staff and the customers all very chatty. Got chatting to a young lass in the smoking area about life, the universe and a few other things. Told her she looked ace and she said she wishes she's got dressed up as she felt underdressed compared to me. Yeah but I bet your not sweating your arse off on that skimpy outfit? Very trans friendly venue and the place was full of all types of people. Loved the maître'd who's outfit was a sparkly purple blazer and bowler hat trimmed with a pride flag coloured tie. I don't recall how many drinks we had here but it was a few! We laughed lots, danced am little, chatted up and got chatted up and throughly enjoyed ourselves. From here we stagger back across the road to Tiki Hideout. Again amazing atmosphere and best of all they do cocktails!!!! Pina Coladas for me please and they arrive in a hollowed-out frozen pineapple! Lush! Several cocktails later and it appears to be 2 a.m. "I can barely walk straight" says Wendy "I can barely stand up mate" says I. Next thing I remember is waking up at 9:40, fully clothed, laid face down on the bed! One shoe is on the bed and the other is in the bathroom. What woken me is the temperature, it's fucking roasting on here. Looks like I'd turned the ceiling fan off overnight. How I have no idea as I wasn't even capable of undressing myself! Wendy's sent me a message saying she needs till 11 to get ready. Yes mate, me to! First port of call is somewhere we can get sustenance, so across the road to the Riveresque cafe for a full English breakfast. Best hangover cure in the world while sat at the side of the River Aire. Delightful. One of the hottest weekends of the year so why did we decide that we would go shopping round Leeds? Mental! Amazing place to go shopping and I've come home with a fantastic set of trousers and woollen jacket from M&S for less than £50 and two fab dresses from Roman. I also broke my Primark cherry in Leeds. I understand why folk shop there, it is dirt cheap but the quality is appalling! Again, Wendy. Thank you for an amazing evening and a great days shopping. Love you my friend and let's do it again. Soon!

ASOS DESIGN Perplex pointed platform stiletto heels in denim

ASOS DESIGN Perplex pointed platform stiletto heels in denim

These look fabulous in the blue or the pink but alas not in a size 8.5 or 9!

I love the raised sole and slim heel as well as the ankle strap.

If anyone knows of a similar shoe in blue contact me as I’d love a pair of these. Probably be about 10 foot tall in them and break my neck walking round Manchester but <3

I love to shop for shoes. I completely understand why other women and men love shopping for shoes. I love to find different styles and sometime I fall in love which what I find straight away and have to have them. Sadly my financial situation is not compatible with the list of things i’d like to buy so here a list of beautiful shoes I’d like to buy and here they will stay until I can afford them or perhaps someone takes pity on me and buys them for me.

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