Author: mikki

I’m a serial apologiser, I’m sorry

I am a serial apologiser, I’m sorry I just can’t help myself saying sorry. Maybe it’s my upbringing or the fact that I was once married to another serial apologiser or maybe its because I’m a shit human being? It might just be that I think everything is my fault?

I really can’t help myself saying “I’m sorry” and some days my apologising has been detrimental to my friendship and relationship and it has been said to me “why don’t you tell me what’s wrong instead of saying sorry?” but sometimes I just don’t know how to verbalise what’s going on in my head so I say “Sorry”. I’m getting better at this though as I now know why this is happening.

Sometimes though, I don’t feel I can say anything other than “i’m sorry” as to do otherwise would elicit an unwanted response or severely piss others off.

In the past I have actually found myself apologising for other people or other people’s behavior, and again this has caused problems in past relationships especially when the person you’re apologising for then gives you a belly full of abuse for apologising for them. This has caused major arguments. The truth of my over apologising is that folk think I am weak because of it.

It is well documented in Psychology circles that some people experience symptoms “like a bunny trapped in a cars headlights” when they are faced with confrontation or trauma and some people actually lose their ability to think, communicate or even lose their memories of this incidence and this is me, but I feel the urgue to apologise.

I’ve thought about this long and hard over the past couple of months and the things I do/have done and the events in my life and you know what, I’m done with it. If you don’t like something I’ve done, whether it be for me, for you or for us, then why should I apologise for that? In the future I really do feel that I should be saying words more along the lines of “screw you” than “I’m sorry”.

I won’t be made to feel bad about things I’ve done especially when they were done in good faith or because I thought that was the right thing to do, especially if the other party involved in the conversation does exactly what the hell they want, whenever they want. Even if the things i’ve done have been for me.

Am I wrong in changing my decision and thinking this way, I don’t think so. Am I a shit person. My family, friends and customers don’t think so!

So, if you think I’ve wronged you in anyway then “screw you”. I really don’t feel the need to say “i’m sorry” for this anymore.

Mikki’s Favourite Rave Tunes Play List

I admit it. I’m a raver, was in the past and still am now. So here’s Mikki’s Favourite Rave Tunes Play List on that there YouTube thingie.

Tunes in my play list in no particular order, some you might like, some you might not!

 

Mikki’s Favourite Rave Tunes Play List

Go straight to the You Tube Play list here you filthy animals – Mikki’s Favourite Rave Tunes Play List – YouTube

More to come, more to be added.

Why not let me know your favourite rave tunes?

Cobra Kai Mural, Northern Quarter, Manchester

Cobra Kai Mural, Northern Quarter, Manchester

The NHS Nurse Mural has now been replaced with this Cobra Kai Mural which is an advertisement for a TV program on something called Netflix.

No idea what the program is about but i’m betting its some kind of Karate Kid program.

The mural is located on the corner of Thomas Street and High Street in the Northern Quarter, Macclesfield

Location Map

Photo date: 21st February 2021

Photography copyright: Mikki Tiamo

On the sixth day god created Manchester Mosaic

On the sixth day god created Manchester Mosaic

The “On the sixth day god created Manchester” mosaic is located on the back of Afflecks on Short Street next door to Crazy Pedro’s Pizza.

This is inspired by the legendary T-shirt designed by Leo B Stanley

On the back of Afflecks Palace, I know its now mainly only known as Afflecks but i’ve been frequenting there for may years and its always been called Afflecks Palace in my circles, there is a copy of the T-shirt designed by Leo B Stanley in Mosaic form.

This is not to be confused with the On the sixth day god created Manchester, graffiti art found on the waste land on Picadilly and Gore Street.

Location Map

Photo date: 21st February 2021

Photography copyright: Mikki Tiamo

Crazy Pedro’s NQ Mural on Short Street behind Afflecks

Crazy Pedro’s NQ Mural on Short Street behind Afflecks

Behind Afflecks is the Crazy Pedro’s NQ Mural on Short Street. This mural like many in the city is a living mural and changes occassionally.

The latest incarnation is of the Crazy Pedro’s character wearing a Covid mask. As always this is painted on the roller shutter doors beside the entrance.

Open at the moment for take away from https://crazypedros.co.uk/

Crazy Pedro's NQ

Location Map

Photo date: 21st February 2021

Photography copyright: Mikki Tiamo

Collectif Mainline Winona Pencil Dress

I like Collectif as they have some really nice clothing, some really nice designs and this Collectif Mainline Winona Pencil Dress caught my eye and I had to buy it.

This looks amazing on and is defintely my new go to work meeting dress, love it!

In general the stuff i’ve bought from Collectif has been true to size but some of their dresses are a little on the tight side. I also bought a Mainline Wanda Polka Dot Pencil Dress which was a size 18 and i’d say its more like a 16. Its tight around my bust.

Check out Collectif as some of their retro stuff is really nice. I will be ordering more as funds allow.

Anxiety again

Anxiety again, doing my head in.
Cant be myself, Stepping backward again,
Because, I can’t be, the real me,
A dose of anxiety as bad as can be.

Working away, 2 weeks, 10 hours a day,
Work environment says, no heels, no make-up,
Can’t even call myself by my name, resort to my dead name,
My mental anguish, this is failing to fix.

The longer I’m not me, personality locked away,
I think that I’m not doing the right thing over and over again,
This makes me feel like I’m worthless, not worthy of life,
It’s not happening as I want and I’ll never be good enough.

I wake and exist, my life feels so numb,
This job makes me feel so bad inside of my head,
Work hard all day and then return to an empty hotel room,
No pub I can go to, so I lie on my bed.

I can’t sleep either, don’t want to be here,
Anywhere is preferential, so I sit here and sink,
My thoughts screaming at me, my anxiety makes me feel bad,
I try to be cheery, but end up more sad.

Why am I worried, why should I care,
No one gives a shit about me out there,
I toss and I turn but anxiety says,
Soon you’ll have to get up and face another day.

My anxiety now raging, feeling bad deep inside,
but the thoughts in my head, can’t escape from this time,
I hate how I feel and I hate how I look,
Not who I want to be, this is not who I am.

I slumber a little but awake with a jolt,
My mind it is racing, say’s you’re something your not,
I arise and I shower, catch a glimpse in the mirror,
This person I see, not pleasant, not a winner.

One more day’s work and a night in my Covid lockdown box,
Then I can leave this work prison and get back to my life,
Look forward to arising and getting dressed up so nice,
One more day at this shit hole of a place.

I finish after 14 hours and shower and lay on my bed,
Tomorrow my life returns to normality, inside and outside my head,
I sleep like a baby and arise fully rested and set,
Can dress as me today, my patience long tested.

I arise many hours before I have to leave the Covid hotel,
Preen myself into oblivion, today I return to myself,
I dress like a queen, best of everything i’ve got,
Look like a million dollars, in the mirror I spot.

2 hours go by and I feel fit to burst,
High heels, stockings, and suspenders, my long dress does hide,
My suitcase is packed, place my coat on my shoulders,
Step outside my room, my excitement can’t hide.

I catch my reflection in the mirror in reception,
Damn babes, you look like you, you look fab,
I step outside the hotel and my anxiety flies away,
I wave a little but know it will be back another day.

In 5 hours, I return to my home,
I feel amazing even though I’m alone,
Dressed like I want to, I step from the car,
Back home now bitches, I’m Mikki and proud.

I’m in Facebook jail, Facebook hypocrisy

So new year, new first world problems. I’m in Facebook jail!

My heinous crime against humanity was to take a screenshot of a very dubious Facebook advert. See below.

So there you have it folks, because I reposted this dubious picture which in itself is a Facebook advert for tophatter. Btw I wasn’t looking for this and this is one of the very many dubious adverts I see on Facebook, along with the words WTF? I got sent to Facebook jail.

I don’t agree with this so appealed my decision and I’m still in Facebook jail.

What makes me laugh is:

  • It’s a repost of a Facebook advert
  • It’s doesn’t show nudity or sexual activity
  • It’s okay for Facebook to post this on my feed, what about my standards of taste and decency.
  • The hypocrisy of banning me for reposting Facebook’s own material.
  • It’s been there for nearly 2 months!

Bollocks to your Facebook jail!

Anyway, I really don’t give a shit about Facebook and Facebook jail, as I’ve been using Facebook less and less over the past 12 months and have moved onto other social media platforms. I just thought it was very ironic I got banned for reposting one of their own adverts!

I did try to appeal the ban but because Facebook’s system is automated it doesn’t give a shit because it doesn’t fit their criteria so, ban!

If you want to see how Facebook, Twitter and all these large social media platforms make money then checkout, the Social Dilemma on Netflix. It will definitely open your eyes to free online services and social media.

Facebook jail

Wishing you all a Happy New Year

Its New years eve and after the wet fart that was Christmas, with Covid lockdown 4.0 (or whatever number it is now), I’d like to have a good one.

But alas we’ve been placed in tier 4 despite this area having a very low infection rate!

So bollocks to Boris, I’m off out tonight. I intend to go out, get tipsy, shout happy new year at 12:00 and then crawl into bed. Either alone or with someone else, I dont care!

The past 2 years of my life have sucked and 2021 beccons and hopefully this wont be as disappointing as the past few years.

Things I want to do in 2021:

  • Holiday
  • Start HRT
  • Finish re-building my house
  • Go to Pride 2021 (if we’re allowed)
  • Ignore all news

So, have a Happy New Year my loves, I hope you all either get drunk, get laid (or both) and have a happy care free New Year with friends or family. Well everyone apart from Steve A! Cos your a cunt!

 

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