On the 8th of September 2020 I told all my friends, old and new, via the medium of Facebook and Youtube, that I was transgender, and I was absolutely overwhelmed by the wonderful comments and messages I have received since.

I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you everybody.

To all those who left me a comment, sent me a messenger message, text message or called me. Thank You <3

All your love and comments have overwhelmed me. All the beautiful things that have been said to me in the past 24-hours have really made me cry with happiness.

I outed myself for no other reason than I have tried to tell as many people as possible in person but I didn’t want anybody else to have to comprehend the reaction that I got from one of my old friends earlier in the week.

I bumped into him in Macclesfield earlier in the week and I could see the look of confusion, apprehension, and shock. We talked later that day and he said he was confused because he didn’t know “I dressed up”, Apprehension because he didn’t know what to say to me and shock because I looked so good and he did have to look twice because he wasn’t sure it was me.

Rather than have my friends face the awkwardness of meeting me as Mikki for the first time, I realised it was better if I just told everybody all-in one go. I would have preferred to have spoken to everybody privately but using Facebook and YouTube was the easiest way as I can’t travel around as much with this curse that is Covid! Stupid Covid!

Again, thank you. I am genuinely overwhelmed by all the comments and support that everybody has given me. The messages in Facebook and via private messenger have really been fantastic.

This has been a massive step in my life and one I haven’t taken lightly especially after years of mental anguish, depression and psychotherapy. I know some of you already thought I was mental having known me for many years but this for me is a step in the right direction and I hope you understand better after watching the little video I made or if you’ve read my Frequently Asked Questions?

Some of you have been with me on this journey so far, so you know what i’ve been going through over the past 12-months.

This is not a whim, or a fancy and you also know what issues I’ve had mentally since I had my diagnosis. Even once I’ve had a diagnosis and just actually how hard its been to deal with/comprehending and then coming to terms with this diagnosis and knowing this is who I really am.

When I went to therapy at first, I was told things would get worse before they got better. Well, I think that things did get worse, but they have definitely got so much better and I’m happier now than I have been for a most of my life.

Love you all

Mikki
XXXX

On 29th August I came home and within 10 minutes I’d be doubled up on the floor, Yep, A and E for me. Let me tell you what happened and you can either laugh or cry.

I’ve been out and about on Friday and Saturday as it should have been Manchester pride this weekend. As it was canceled I have been out and about trying to celebrate things as best I can but had to call home to pick up things and change clothes.

On getting home, I put the kettle on and then go running upstairs in 4 inch high heels, I’m 6’4 in them and I twatted my head on the stairs ceiling return. Nothing major in that as I’ve done it before and it hurts like hell, but Saturday was different as I had my sunglasses on top of my head. Things went blank for a few seconds before i pick myself up off the floor and then feel the warm trickle of blood as it ran down my forehead.

Straight in the bathroom, damp towel on my head. Still a bit dizzy. I take the towel off my head and can quite clearly see blood quozing out of my head. So back on with the towel.

Bit of pressure and more water and within about 30 minutes I’ve managed to slow the bleeding but its still bleeding. I can clearly see about a 1 and a half-inch gash in my head and I know from experience its gonna need medical treatment. Off to A and E for me.

Long story short, because of COVID A&E is now a pretty slick operation and I’m in, seen, sorted, and out the door in just 45 minutes.

The wound did require attention and because they try not to stitch your head anymore I am now rocking a blob of surgical superglue in my head on top of a lump.

Lesson learned. Plans are afoot to lower the stairs or raise the ceiling of the stairs.

One just doesn’t take her heels off to run upstairs darlings 😀

Test postie post

Yesterday’s phone call from mum was a heart wrenched and has killed me a little inside!

This year hasn’t been kind to my family withy father’s death and struggling to get over this with lockdown because of coronavirus. It’s meant we haven’t been able to be together as much and we:be both struggled to get over dad’s death. Not that you ever get over the death of a loved one!

But yesterday my mum has found out she needs another major operation as she has complications because of cancer.

I received a phone call from mum where she was crying her eyes out, understandably because of the news.

I’d already had a few glasses of wine because I’d had a very stressful week with work, so I couldnt go see her. Plus her town is under lockdown again so I’d also be breaking the law. Visiting from outside the area is “not allowed”.

An hour later we end the call and I’m left feeling like shit because I can’t go and comfort mum!

So, today I went to see her as her mental health is so important.

I know I should be supportive but at the moment she is very negative about everything and it’s been a major effort to be there.

It must be serious as the surgeons have told her she needs this operation in the next few weeks.

I am honestly exhausted after the visit and for the first time in many months I’ve found myself comfort eating this evening!

I know mum is unwell because she has lost over a stone in weight but more concerned about her mental health.  I know she has been ill and shit this year has got to her but she is so negative at present and although she has her sister nearby, she is just as negative!

Nothing I say can appease her at present!

I need a drink and also need to get my thoughts out of my head.

I so wanted to go out tonight and get utterly wasted!

I’ll phone her tommorow but for tonight i need vent and forget about it all.

Tommorow is another day!