I get asked alot of questions by a family, friends and aquintances so I thought i’d put together and FAQ which I hope helps others who are seeing to find themselves whatever your going through in your life. Beware some of the questions are quite course and vulgar.
Questions, In order of times asked.
What do I call you?
Mikki or Mickey will do thank you.
Why do it? Why are you doing this?
As I explained on my About Mikki page, crossdressing is something i’ve done throughout my life but its always been surpressed by me. I was always made me feel like this was wrong. Coming out as Mikki has made me realise this is not wrong or seedy as some might think. At pride I had an ephipany moment where I realised I had been pushing something away all my life which was actually me, not part of me. ME!
Do you not feel stupid/awkward?
I’ve thought long and hard, really really hard about this and the answer is always, no? I’ve even had all night conversations with my best friends about this and the answer is always, no.
Let me clarify a little. You know when you try something for the first time, or you do something which makes your belly flutter. Thats what it feels like every day I get dressed and go out or even out, out.
Why should I feel stupid for wanting to be who I want to be and doing something which ultimately makes me very happy?
I might have made others confused, left them feeling bad or pushing me away, but ultimately I’ve found a happiness I’ve never found anywhere else.
I understand some folk might not “get it” but I’m not doing it for you or them. I dress as I do for me and no one else.
Are you worried it makes others feel awkward?
No. Not anymore.
I was at first but you know what I am living my life as I want and if you cant handle me then this is your issue.
I didn’t/don’t and never have set out to make others feel uncomfortable. If I did I apologise but I didn’t do it on purpose!
What’s it feel like to have admitted to yourself you’re transgender/a crossdresser?
Like a huge weight I’ve been carrying around since childhood has been lifted off my shoulders. I’ve surpressed this for a very long time but I’ve always loved to dress up and actually admitting this to myself was an epiphany moment. Since admitting to myself I am massively happier.
Does this mean your gay?
Define gay? If I am acting and dressing as a women and I’m attracted to women then, yes.
Do you suck d**k?
This is always asked with a laugh at the end but, no!
(Asked by friends trying to be funny!)
Do you wear women’s clothing/women’s underwear?
Let me quote Eddie Izzard.
“They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.”
Yes I do but you’d be surprised at what I wear.
How do you wear heels? How do you wear heels for so long?
I don’t know but its like I was born to wear them. I’ve worn 3 and 4-inch heels for over 12 hours in the past and even danced in them for hours.
I’ve even walked round Manchester in them for hours then stood in those same heels for hours on the same day/night. If they’re not rubbing my feet I’m quite happy to wear them. I’ve only had one pair hurt my feet and I think thats because they were new out of the box and despite looking amazing, they were totally inappropriate for where I was.
I did get a lot of comments about these shoes when I was at Pride 2019.
Do you still like/date women?
Yes. I love women.
What’s it like to wear women’s clothes?
Okay, let me start by saying, I don’t dress up for sexual kicks and they are my clothes!
I do this because it makes me feel good about myself and more importantly it feels right to me.
It’s hard to explain without writing war and peace but since an early age I’ve rejected my sexuality and suppressed who I really am. I am a man who likes to dress as a woman, behave as a woman and be with other women, be they women or men dressed as women. Actually, I could also add, I am a woman living in a man’s body. Again its hard to explain without writing war and peace. I am Transgender.
I do love the theatre, the majesty of getting dressed up. The preparation, the makeup, the dressing and ultimately the view of myself once the transformation is complete. Ultimately, if you’re really interested then maybe you need to try it for yourself and get dressed up and come out round Manchester with my friends and I.
Do you shave your legs? Do you have to shave your legs?
Yes, for big nights out as I always wear tights or stockings, the sheerer the better. I’ve been told by lots of people I have great legs so like to show them off and yes, they do go all the way up.
I have to admit that the first time I fully shaved my legs it felt really weird especially when I wore jeans the day after. It’s like your leg hair acts as an insulator between your legs and the fabric. The process of shaving is arduous though, especially when you’re as hairy as me. I have them waxed and this does give a much better finish and lasts longer but I found it also made my legs are red the day after but after a few times this has got better.
After many times of shaving them it doesn’t feel strange anymore. I’d say that if I let my hair grow too long it begins to feel weird.
What reaction did you get from your parents when you told them?
This was a difficult one as how do you come “out” to your parents?
I love my parents, my mum more so now my dad has passed away and I told my mum several times, but I think she was like “la la la la, I’m not listening”.
My dad on the other hand was like “Yeah, okay”.
They are quite liberal but also quite conservative. So, after many times of telling my mum and getting nowhere I got dressed up and I went around to their house fully glammed up. Only then did they both have that lightbulb moment.
I saw my dad first and his reaction was “Wow, wow. You look bloody amazing!” He put his arms round me and hugged me and said “I love you son” then squeezed my bottom. That’s my dad all over. Loved the old bastard and yes he was my best friend!
My mum at first was a bit taken aback and her initial comment was “You look lovely darling but your still my son” She took a few hours to come to terms with who was sat in front of her and she said “it’s like looking at your sister but you will always be my son”. Bless!
She did cry a little though.
What reaction did you get from your friends when you told?
By enlarge my friends have been bloody amazing and most have welcomed Mikki with open arms and coming out has showed me who my true friends really are. I really mean that!
I’ve sat with a large group of friends dressed as Mikki many times now and everyone is cool. Most of my friends are accepting of Mikki and being Mikki has brought me closer to some of my friends than I’ve ever been in our entire lives.
I’ve been friends with some of them for most of my life and all have been accepting of Mikki. Some of the comments are “We wouldn’t care if you wanted to dress as a cream bun, we still love you”
What has surprised me is my female friends, who’ve been absolutely amazing and we’ve discussed being Mikki, being trans, and how I’ve coped with telling them what I told them and then they have given me dressing, makeup tips and even tips i’m not quite ready to use yet!
One of my female friends has even given me a load of her clothes as she’s recently gone from a size 22 to a size 14. So as I come down in size I still have a wardrobe.
I’ve only had one negative reaction and that was from a friend who’s deeply religious. His reaction was very negative and almost certainly linked to his views on homosexuality.
Despite being friends for over 45 years we aren’t as close as we once were. His reaction was along the lines of “You dress as a woman so you must be gay. Homosexuality is wrong in the eyes of God”. I didn’t expect this especially after knowing him for so long, but I guess his belief in the Good Lord Almighty and the baby Jebus is greater than his kinship with a close friend.
“thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”,
I am sad but respect his beliefs. I don’t love him any less.
Note: Since I wrote this my friend and I have talked at length and things are a bit better as he needed time to digest and understand my situation and we have discussed things alot. Now I am more full time i’ve called at his house several times and we’ve sat and talked lots.
Surely you’re doing this to piss someone off or you’re angry at someone, maybe yourself?
What? Really? Well, I keep getting asked this so people must think I’ve got an axe to grind!
But, seriously! Do you think I would go to all this trouble and expense JUST to piss someone or myself off?
Who is this mythical someone, and why do you think I would want to piss them off in this way?
If I wanted to piss someone off surely there are easier ways to do it, like telling them to piss off?
Do you want to be a woman full time?
Yes! I have changed this from undecided.
I have discussed this with my councillor, and she has suggested I would need to live for a period as a woman. There was lifestyle decisions I needed to address but the more time I have spent as Mikki the more I didnt want to be anyone else, as this is me.
I was hesitant to “go all the way” as lifestyle decisions needed to be made, but I’ve made these recently and there has been nothing detremental. I also needed to get it straight in my head that I wanted this more and more because its truly who I am and happy to be. I have spent the past few months being Mikki almost all the time and the only time I haven’t is when I have either been ill or working where my security clearance demands I am not Mikki.
Will I go for surgery? At this moment i’m 99% sure I will, I have started down the road with my GP and await an appointment with the gender clinic soon.
What effect has it had on your relationship?
Oh, not good. For the sake of others, I’ll say no more. I’ve met a few ladies as Mikki but at present I am single by choice, bloody happy to be single and not looking for anyone either.
Where do you buy your clothes?
Online mainly. I know what size I am so, eBay is a good marketplace for me being a size 18/20.
I also use a few online retailers as their sizes are consistent and I have a specific type of dress I like.
I love 1950’s style and Black Butterfly are really nice clothes, both in quality and style. Their website is: https://www.blackbutterflyclothing.com/ (Opens in new window) and for more modern larger size dresses I use YoursClothing and I could spend a lot of money on their site if I’m not careful (just check the sizes when ordering as i’ve bought size 22 dresses off them which are very big.
If something doesnt fit I have an amazing friend who can do things with a sewing machine you wouldn’t believe. Like stitching Angel Wings to a Lace dress for an evening out in Liverpool. Now that was a fun night as I was the “Fairy Drag Mother”.
Since I have dropped to 16 stone I can go buy more clothes off the peg than before and Next have some amazing work dresses and skirts.
Where do you buy your shoes?
Fortunately, I have small feet at a womans size 9, Euro 43, so this is not a problem to get shoes that fit.
I’ve compiled my own conversion male to female size chart as initially I found sizes confusing, when I’ve got 5 minutes I’ll put this online.
There are particular brands I can’t buy but love the style of brands such as Ruby Shoo‘s but there’s plenty of makers who make similar styles. Ruby Choo’s do some shoes in size 9 as many styles end at a size 8. Hey, Ruby Shoo’s make more size 9’s so, I can wear them.
What kind of reaction do you get when you go out?
Overall the reaction I’ve had has been incredibly positive and on many a night out I am the centre of attention or end up in lots of random conversations with lots of lovely people.
I have been working in Manchester for the past week, July 2020, and have yet to sit down for dinner and not end up talking to someone. I like to talk but people want to talk to me.
I’ve only had one negative reaction and he was pissed so was dismissed instantly which did annoy him even more. I was with a group of friends that day and they stepped in and as a group we fired him off. He was being very abusive verbally, mainly because he’d been rebuked and saying things he problably wouldnt have said had he not been drunk. I have seen him since as he does come in my local pub occassionaly and he has apologised profusely.
No excuse but I really hate drunks these days!
How is this negatively impacting your life?
Because of the events since August 2019, I have seriously rethought my whole life recently.
Do I want to embrace being Mikki and be open and honest with myself and other, as to who I actually am. Or, or, do I put Mikki back in the box then lie to myself for the rest of my life? A thought which chills me to the bone!
I chose to embrace Mikki and not lie to myself anymore. Mainly for my own mental health. This has led to the demise of a relationship and to a strained relationship with a close long-time friend.
I don’t dwell on negative things anymore. It’s part of the new me and I generally dismiss negative feelings because they negatively affect my mental state. Not good sometimes for those around me but for my own sanity I don’t want to deal with negative shit. I know sometimes I have to but I hate dealing with it. Especially from other people! Because of this I speak my mind a lot more and have a greater tendancy to tell people to “Fuck off” more than ever before.
Some folk have even said I’ve lied to them!
Positive is my new mantra and negative feelings and thoughts make me think, “Why? What did I do or didn’t do? If it’s something which has been projected on me by someone else, then “fuck off!” I don’t need your negativity!
Surely you lied, to me, to others to hide this?
Pretty sure I didn’t, and don’t call me Shirley!
I was economical with the truth because I feared the reprocussions of telling you. I told you and you thought only of yourselves and have pushed me away. Well all those who couldn’t handle it, guess what? I am sad i’ve lost you in my life but I am much happier for finding me, much happier in myself and to be frank, I don’t need you in my life.
Before folk start pointing the lie finger perhaps they should ask, “What skeletons do I have in my closet and should I tell folk about them?”
Probably not eh?
How is this positively impacted your life?
It’s definitely made me more open and honest about myself to myself and to others. I am happier as a person which is something that hasn’t gone unnoticed by friends, family and customers. A long time customer asked me a few weeks ago, “What’s happened in your life recently as you’re very happy and cheery these days?”
It’s also made me massively more confident in myself which I suppose is also to do with the happiness and being happy with who is am. I’ve also lost weight, nearly 4 stone (24kg), since August. Being Mikki means I tend to look after myself much better.
I am honestly much, much, happier with my life since coming out as Mikki and I think it has made me a better person.
A long time friend asked me recently, “Are you on drugs? Have you been on the happy pills?”
I told him about Mikki and have been round to their house on many occassions now as myself.
Have you had any bad reactions while you’ve been out as Mikki?
I’ve had one woman in Manchester who accosted me as “hey weirdo!”, she got called a “Hag!”. Then on a night out, one drunk male tried being very touchy feely but ended up looking stupid as his touching ended up with him being ejected from the club.
I also had someone decide it would be a good idea to shout abuse from his car as he sat next to me at traffic lights. Unfortunately for him I have cameras in my car because of the mileage I do and the files from that day were handed to the Police. I wont say what was said but they were very, very abusive.
What kind of reaction do you get from women?
You’d be surprised at how many of the women I’ve met or have known for years have reacted.
I get lots of comments from women when out on the town from
“Love your dress”,
“Wow, where did you get that dress”,
“Love your hair”,
“Those shoes, Oh! My! God! Can I have your shoes?” (i’ve been asked this quite a lot)
“Who does your makeup?”,
“You look amazing”,
and many more…
I met my last girlfriend on a night out in Manchester and she approached me and said “Hi, Can I just say, you look absolutely fantastic. Would you think me weird if I asked you for a hug and a dance?” No, dear I wouldn’t. She then hugged me for what has seemed like forever, but I welcomed every millisecond of it. I still get mega hugs from her when I see her even now we’re just friends.
One of my best mates actually said “I look forward to coming around to your house and walking in to find you stood in the kitchen looking fab and cooking tea. I’d quite happily sit and let you serve me food as you look fabulous”
She’s another one who can’t believe how good I look dressed up and on many occasions has sound, “Loving the look”, or “You look fab mate”
What kind of reaction do you get from men?
Hmmm. Okay let’s be open and honest about this.
Some men are arseholes and I wonder why women put up with them and I can understand why you push men away at every available opportunity.
Worst experience was in the New Albion in Manchester. When passing a slightly drunk man going into the pub, he goosed me. I ignored it. As we entered the pub, he did it again and it hurt. So, I turned around and pushed him against the wall and shoved my knee into his groin and said “Do that again, to me or anyone else and I’ll damage you for life. Capiche?” I’m 6 foot 4 in heels and not a small girl, he was about 5’2. He nodded so I let go of him and walked away.
The bouncers approached me a few seconds later as asked me if there was a problem. So, I told them what had happened. The bouncers then ejected the man from the pub.
Generally, though most men keep quiet around me or because of where I go on nights out they approach me more for a chat than anything else. One of the reasons I like the Village in Manchester.
One of my long time friends is 6 foot 5 and built like a brick shit house and he really struggles to communicate with Mikki as he cant get his head round it. Last time I saw him however he is starting to come round and open up.
I’ve also met some really nice men in the last 6 months. If they’re interested in dressing up, then some say “I wish I had the balls to dress up” or “you look lovely babes”. If anyone, male or female is nice to me I am nice back.
Isn’t that how life works? Just be nice, everyone.
I recently had a young man in his early 20’s come up to me and ask for a hug because I reminded him of his sadly departed mum. At first I thought he was having me on but then he got his mobile out and showed me some pictures of him and his mum and I do look like her.
It made me cry inside as I hugged him, and he actually cried a lot as I held him. He thanked me and walked away in haste, as he said he was embarassed. I did speak to him again later when he bought me a drink but it still makes me well up a little inside when I think of that.
I’ve met him quite a few times since and we’ve chatted a lot over a few drinks, he always gets a hug and a kiss when I see him.
What do you do with your bits when you go out dressed as Mikki?
I tend to choose outfits which hide my bits as best as possible, but it has been known for me to tuck them out of the way. Spherical objects can be pushed up inside and my knob is then squashed down. Tight underwear helps with this but sometimes it’s very uncomfortable and impractical.
Shall I pray for your soul?
Why does it need praying for?
Why do you think it needs praying for?
My answer to this is “Do what you like love, but praying to your imaginary friend in the clouds wont change me.”
The issue most religious people have is not my issue and if you feel the need to pray to your God to save my soul then any issue is within your psyche not mine. I was always taught the bible was about stories of life, loving thy neighbour and the like. So you dont love thy neighbour if he’s different to you then? Oh Yes. Thats right. Love thy neighbour is only relevant if thy neighbour fits into all your little boxes.
I’m happy as Mikki, be happy that I’m happy and not worry about saving someone who doesn’t want or require the need to be saved!
Would you like to get married?
To you? Or in general?
I was married before for nearly 20 years and I did ask another lovely lady to marry me but alas not to be, because of me!. If I met the right person, yes, I would but I’m not in any rush as the right person would have to accept me for what I am, accept me as Mikki and accept, and be a part of my lifestyle.
If I found someone like this then in time I would ask them to marry me or vice versa.
I’m thinking about doing this what advice can you give me?
I am not a councillor, but I will impart my knowledge if I can.
The most important thing I will say is “be honest with yourself”.
“You are the most important person in your life.”
I know some like to think their partners are, but if you are not happy with yourself then how can you truly be happy being with someone else?
Its taken me nearly 50 years to work that out for myself!
It’s been a long road for me which started a long time ago but I have always suppressed it, especially to friends and family. If you are a crossdresser or feel you maybe trans then first off seek information. As much information as you can get.
If you’re reading this then you’re already doing that then seek out a LGBT councillor and speak to them. You’ll probably have to pay for this BUT it will be well worth it.
I’ve been doing this and it’s been so well worth the money.
My councillor has gone through what I am going through and her advice is invaluable. She has been through negative and positive aspects of trans life. I’ve had a hard time over the past 12 months (2019) and have been to three different therapists. The first took me so far down the road, the second took me a lot further and helped me to make sense of a lot of things which had happened/were happening and helped me find peace with me. The third helped me to find out what I really am, what I really want to be and to find inner peace with Mikki.
I know it’s massively hard to hide something such as your inner opposite woman or man as they do effect changes in you mentally when you dress up. It’s not just a mental thing, it’s an emotional thing as well. You are emotively seeking out being another version of yourself.
To flip flop between physically different people mentally and emotionally is difficult to process because the two lives you lead do interact with each other, inside you and outside in your life.
Everyone’s journey is different and a trained councillor can help talk you through your journey.
Where do you go out?
Mainly in the Gay Village on Canal Street in Manchester.
It’s a really friendly place to visit and most of the clubs have events on 7 days a week.
My favourite places are New York, New York, Bar Pop and On Bar but investigate wisely as some bars in the village aren’t as trans friendly as others.
I love, On Bar, because the hosts and bar staff are super friendly and I’ve yet to experience any issues here.
Just remember if you are visiting the village lots of the club’s don’t get going until about 2-3am.
Who does your makeup?
Mainly me but if I have a special night out, I employ a professional makeup artist. Paul Heaton of Born UK.
I’ve known Paul for over 15 years and trust him to implicitly, not just with my makeup. He is an amzing person and a really really good makeup artist, and his prices aren’t bad either. Well, the man has to make a living.
Have a look at his website as it’s also full of makeup tips.
If you’re transitioning or want to know more about makeup, then might I suggest Paul’s makeup lessons. It’s well worth the money and he guides you through products, preparation, application, etc. It’s a good starter base if you haven’t got a bloody clue as I once did. He also sends you a “user guide” to recap the lesson for you. Which products and techniques he used during the lesson, as a recap. So you don’t have to remember all the stuff he tells you in the lesson.
All I’ll say is everytime I’ve had my makeup done by Paul, it’s been like Mikki 2.0 instead of Mikki 1.5 which is how I sometimes think I look when I do my own makeup. i’m getting better and also quicker as it used to take me hours.
This “ephipany moment” tell me more?
If this reads like utter gibberish then let me know as its written straight out.
Before Manchester Pride 2019 I had built myself up to, “I am going to Pride dressed as a woman”.
At pride I was determined to go out for the evening dressed up, I almost didnt make it but for the person I was with. And I thank her for that for eternity.
At pride my confidence was massively boosted by going in Revolutions on Portland street and first, no one batted an eyelid when I walked in, believe me when I say this was a huge relief as I was massively nervous. Again, the company I was with helped get me a little drunk so I was more relaxed when we left. The staff were/are great in there as well and have been on subsequent visits.
Perhaps in hindsight the confidence might have been boosted a bit too much as I walked into the village, like a Diva and blew the DJ outside the New Albion pub, a kiss!
A fact which didn’t go unnoticed buy the person that I was with and I think this set the tone for the rest of the evening. I dont know what came over me but i’m not sorry I did it.
As we walked through the village I was stopped on numerous occasions, by men and women alike. These people passed comment on my dress, my hair and my shoes especially. Again I did feel sorry for the person I was with but all the same time, was assured she was okay.
However, I was too busy having my epiphany moment.
As we walked around the village more and more people wanted to talk to me, I found this fascinating and at one point I was sitting in Sackville Steet Gardens waiting for my partner to go to the toilets, for which there was a huge queue. I was sat there waiting, I had about half a dozen women approach me and comment on my attire.
By this time my confidence was through the roof and I felt like I was floating on air.
All through the evening, even when we were sat down, I had people come up to me and want to talk to me, all night. As an effeminate male this was like being hit in the face with a big dose of “What the fuck just happened”. I’ve had this on nearly every single night that I’ve been out since. I’m not an ugly man, I know I have long hair, but never in my life have I had that many people, want to talk to me, ever.
Now, my epiphany moment wasn’t that I was the centre of attention. No, my epiphany moment was that this felt so so so very right, like I’d been avoiding doing this all my life. I cannot tell you the utter joy I felt on that evening, because it was overwhelming. I think when we got back to the hotel room I passed out as soon as I lay down on the bed.
Parts of that evening I really regret but the overall joy that I felt that evening make me really sit up and take a look at myself, who I am and what I really am.
In the following weeks I went to see a new therapist, yep! I’m a bit mental folks, and he helped me make sense of what was going on in my mind. He didn’t offer any possible scenario or say you are this but we did talk at length about my upbringing, things like dressing up and what’s happened in my life. We also talked in length about the events of the 24th of August 2019, along with subsequent events with nights out around Manchester, Blackpool and Liverpool.
The main part of my epiphany moment is that I am now being honest with myself. I cannot suppress this anymore I don’t want to suppress this anymore I feel the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and I enjoy being Mikki and spending time with Mikki. I’ve dealt with this on a real mental level and thought about, studied and cried about what happened then and whats happened since but I always look forward to the future now and don’t look to the past as much as I once did. After all I’m not going that way in my life.
Since the pride weekend I have asked myself lots and lots of times, “Why does this feel so right?” Its not weird, its not sexual, I’m not doing it to score browny points or be more popular. If anything those are probably things you don’t want to be doing. But it feels right!
Once I’d admitted this was me, this was who I am, I’d finally come out to myself.
I’d say this was like a huge weight had been lifted off me. The initial moment at Pride I can actually pinpoint it as the moment I stepped out of the hotel. That exact moment. The moment my private little secret became very public and a huge wave of relief and also confidence washed over me.
Subsequent moments of coming out have been everytime I’ve told friends, family and clients and its like a little bit more doubt is removed from my mind.
I still have the things I am still dealing with but I enjoy being Mikki, lots.
And if being Mikki means that I can never be with anybody else, then I don’t care I would rather be alone and be Mikki then have to lie to myself ever again, suppress myself once more and be unhappy!
More to follow my loves and keep asking the questions.