I’m a serial apologiser, I’m sorry

I am a serial apologiser, I’m sorry I just can’t help myself saying sorry. Maybe it’s my upbringing or the fact that I was once married to another serial apologiser or maybe its because I’m a shit human being? It might just be that I think everything is my fault?

I really can’t help myself saying “I’m sorry” and some days my apologising has been detrimental to my friendship and relationship and it has been said to me “why don’t you tell me what’s wrong instead of saying sorry?” but sometimes I just don’t know how to verbalise what’s going on in my head so I say “Sorry”. I’m getting better at this though as I now know why this is happening.

Sometimes though, I don’t feel I can say anything other than “i’m sorry” as to do otherwise would elicit an unwanted response or severely piss others off.

In the past I have actually found myself apologising for other people or other people’s behavior, and again this has caused problems in past relationships especially when the person you’re apologising for then gives you a belly full of abuse for apologising for them. This has caused major arguments. The truth of my over apologising is that folk think I am weak because of it.

It is well documented in Psychology circles that some people experience symptoms “like a bunny trapped in a cars headlights” when they are faced with confrontation or trauma and some people actually lose their ability to think, communicate or even lose their memories of this incidence and this is me, but I feel the urgue to apologise.

I’ve thought about this long and hard over the past couple of months and the things I do/have done and the events in my life and you know what, I’m done with it. If you don’t like something I’ve done, whether it be for me, for you or for us, then why should I apologise for that? In the future I really do feel that I should be saying words more along the lines of “screw you” than “I’m sorry”.

I won’t be made to feel bad about things I’ve done especially when they were done in good faith or because I thought that was the right thing to do, especially if the other party involved in the conversation does exactly what the hell they want, whenever they want. Even if the things i’ve done have been for me.

Am I wrong in changing my decision and thinking this way, I don’t think so. Am I a shit person. My family, friends and customers don’t think so!

So, if you think I’ve wronged you in anyway then “screw you”. I really don’t feel the need to say “i’m sorry” for this anymore.

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